I feel in limbo – not quite able to move forward.
Here’s the situation: I’m in charge of the sale of my parents’ house in England following my father’s death in April and my mother’s move into a care home. I have accepted an offer on the house, and now I must wait for legal negotiations to be completed and a formal contract with the buyers to be in place.
Once that is done, I’ll need to get to England in short order to go through things in the house and make final arrangements for it to be cleared so the sale can be completed.
It’s taking longer than I expected. I thought it would all be done and dusted by now.
And so, I wait.
And while I wait, it’s hard to know what I can commit to, what I can do.
I love to plan and have control over my schedule. I like to know what is going to happen and when.
It’s frustrating me no end that I cannot.
And yet, we never really know what’s going to happen moment to moment, next week, next month, or next year. It’s an illusion.
But we make plans anyway. And most of the time it works out just fine! It’s how life works.
We actually live with uncertainty all the time. We just act as if things are certain.
I’m in the unusual position of knowing there’s uncertainty!
I’m waiting…and waiting…and waiting until that moment when suddenly I’ll have to act.
This is, of course, in one way my choice, but it’s a pretty reasonable one. I’ve been advised not to travel to the UK to sort out the house without the assurance of a legally binding contract, and I’m unwilling to schedule workshops and classes and so forth because I don’t know when I’ll be available. I don’t want to let people down. I don’t want to be unprofessional.
It’s challenging to run a business when you can’t plan ahead.
Thank goodness this doesn’t affect my work with individual clients, as I am able to be more flexible with them, and they will get at least two weeks’ notice before I leave. In fact, I am relishing working with my private clients right now. (Feel free to get in touch if you’d like to book a session!)
This feeling of uncertainty, of being in limbo, can make me anxious and frustrated – it’s stressful! It has a physical and emotional price – excess tension being the main one – tightening in my body, a lump in my throat. I feel out of balance and unstable! I notice myself wanting to contract, make myself smaller, to hide and escape.
I am so grateful to have the Alexander Technique and BodyIntelligence to turn to when I notice these feelings arise. The tools I have learned enable to me to take a step back and be an observer of my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions. It’s about being aware, accepting, and choice. I have the choice to come back to myself. I can choose to ask myself where do I notice ease right now? Where is my support? (The ground!) I can remind myself that I am free. I am free to be exactly as I am right now, AND I am free to choose to be aware of the ease that is already there. I can remind myself I am free to be my full height – that I don’t have to contract and compress and diminish myself.
And so, I continue to wait….
And I continue to come back to myself. It’s an ongoing dance and balancing act that I’m playing.
There are even moments when I appreciate the uncertainty – being in a “place between.”
My business coach, Joy Bufalini, referred to this time as a “fertile void.” I love that idea, and the shift it can bring to my perspective.
And yes, I do indeed have many ideas brewing. And I have time to mull things over, time to get clearer about what I want, and do not, want to do. I have time to simply BE in a way I may not quite allow myself at other times.
That is a gift.
And sometimes I remember that!
There are so many lessons here that I am still learning and processing. During this journey with uncertainty my understanding is growing, and my ability to observe and come back to myself is strengthening. There is much to be grateful for.
How do you deal with uncertainty? Are you a planner or do you like to be spontaneous? Can you relate to my experience? I’d love to hear about your experiences with uncertainty and how you have coped. Please leave your comment in the space below.